


Bonnacon

by MaatMons



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Bonnacon, Gen, Vilde Kow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-06
Updated: 2018-09-06
Packaged: 2019-07-07 22:16:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15917361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaatMons/pseuds/MaatMons
Summary: The beta kids live the plot of a cheesy monster movie.





	Bonnacon

**Author's Note:**

> The Bonnocon is a _real_ fake creature. I didn't make it up.

Your name is Rose Lalond, and you're an Occultism major at a college with a very liberal build-your-own-degree program.

At the moment, you're attending the lecture for a class on Monstrous Creatures from Ancient Folklore. And you really must say, some of these legends are pretty dumb. The beast currently being elucidated on is an excellent example. The Bonnacon is a "fearsome" creature attested by Pliny the Elder. … It's basically a cow that farted voluminous gouts of flame at people. … Yeah, whichever ancient dude is responsible for _that_ legend was definitely trolling everyone.

Anyway, this is a huge waste of your time that definitely isn't going to be relevant to your life.

 

**Earlier**

 

Your name is Dave Strider, and you work in a grain mill that specializes in cattle feed.

One of the guys was bragging the other day about how the spiciest foods made "like it ain't no thang." So you've brought in a bunch of the world's hottest peppers, and now you're going to challenge him in front of everyone in the break room and dare him to eat one straight up. You expect to get a funny YouTube video out of it. I mean, sure, it's been done, but it's funnier when the guy suffering for the amusement of the internet is someone you know.

There's one problem with the plan though. You just came to retrieve the peppers from where you left them precariously teetering on the railing of a catwalk over the grin processing area. But they're not here. They didn't fall of and get ground into the cow feed, did they? Okay, yeah, that's definitely what happened, and you don't know why you didn't see that coming. Oh, well, hindsight is 20/20, as they say.

Anyway, it's not like anything bad happens when cows eat hot peppers, probably.

 

**Later**

 

Your name is John Egbert, and you're the owner of a small farm.

It's normally a quaint little place, just like what you'd see in one of those painting meant to remind people of "the good old days." Right now though, all the fire is kind of clashing with that image. You should probably be doing something about the burning buildings and crops, but you're a little preoccupied with Bessy. She's running around, shooting fire out of her butt like a biological flamethrower. That's not normal for cows, so you're kind of concerned. Maybe it was something she ate?

Honestly, you don't have the slightest idea how to go about fixing this. Things can't possibly get any worse.

 

**Later Still**

 

Your name is Jade Harley, and you're a livestock veterinarian by day, amateur cryptobiologist by night.

Today, for the first time, your career and your hobby intersected, which seems like it would be a good thing. But actually, you're driving at top speed away from a herd of cryptids with a motley assortment of characters from different background who have all come together to try to avert a catastrophe. "How are they gaining on us?" You shout.

"They have rocket propulsion!" John yells from the back seat. "Argh! Things can't get any worse!"

"You need to stop saying that!" Dave says. "Every time you say that, things immediately get much, _much_ worse!"

In the front seat, Rose furiously searches through a worn, old tome. "They _must_ have a weakness." She mutters to herself.

**Author's Note:**

> And then, somehow, Bessy saves the day. I don't know.


End file.
